It has been
a crazy week, my friends. Muy loco... In a total of five days I' flew from Mexico
City, to New York City, To Los Angeles and back to Mexico City in some sort
of weird, frequent-flying casting nightmare . I'm not going to get into a Jerry
Seinfeld routine about air travel, but the next time you fly 9,000 miles in
five days and are not going on some super fabulous vacation, let me know--cause
It ain't pretty. Not even close.
I did get to
audition some pretty funny people though. I met Carlos Leon who happens to be
not only a pretty decent actor and person, but also the cocksman who impregnated
Madonna. I met Michael J. Fox's wife, Tracey Polon whose teeth were so porcelian
white that it scared me for decades yet to come. I met Oliva D'Abo who used
to be on the Wonder Years or some show like that and now seems to be getting
by by not moving her lips when she talks and wearing ridiculously tight clothing.
That might work for your average hack director. But I consider myself above
that sort of base, sexual stuff. (I offered her the part on the spot)-- NO,
no, I'm only kidding. If I were casting this movie on tight clothing alone I
would have cast the Hustler centerfold I met at that strip club in... Ooops.
Disregard that last part. I was never in a strip club drunk off my ass spending
company money on lap dances when I was supposed to be scouting, uh, well. Forget
it...
So I fly back
to Mexico having seen over thirty girls read the same monologue from the movie.
Pretty horrific concept even if the monologue and the girls were all brilliant.
Freaking nightmarish if it's Tracy Polon bastardizing already flimsy material.
So it's now
Wednesday, and I'm back in Mexico City, jet lagged and puffy faced and we still
don't have leading lady. Even Houdini could not get out of the knot in my stomach.
We shoot so soon. So much money, so many people depending on me...
But it's back
to work I go, even if at this point I'm thinking of calling Sid and Marty Kroft
and doing this fucker with puppets.
I don't know
if you guys are reading this in the states,
but when I arrive back in Mexico City I find in the local papers that
half of the country is under water in what seems like the worst flooding since
Noah had a small Ark store next to the local Gap. There are pictures of Alligators
floating down muddy, overflowing streets. For real... The good news (at least
for your humble notetaker) is that it's all happening very far from Mexico City
itself. It's hellish enough getting around this insane maze of a town in perfect
weather, let alone trying to do it with mudslides and gators and shit.
Speaking of
transportation, our driver Daniel is the real hero of this production-- Taking
us location scouting in a big 10-seater van down roads paved with nothing but
dirt and chicken bones, driving us through crowded streets with hundreds of
children, old men and stray dogs blocking our way. People haven't quite got
the concept of "sidewalk" in this country. Folks walk wherever the
hell they want to. And if they're selling things? Forget it. They're right in
your face, in front of your car, or on your car. Through it all Daniel just
moves forward, calm as can be.
That is, If
he's moving forward.
Sometimes, in
the truly dangerous sections of town (which also happen to be the most cinematic)
some of these crappy, thin, winding, dirt roads just stop. It's then when Daniel's
really special skills are used to full effect--Driving the van backwards up
rocky roads with so little room on either side that we have to take the side
mirrors off. Pretty interesting... I haven't spoken more than "Buenos dias,
Buenos noches and muchos gracias" to the guy, but I feel Daniel's my friend
and the sanest man down here.
Some of the
more insane men are the Seville Brothers (our producing partners in MC) who
work fifteen hour days and proceed to party for another fifteen hours after
that. The younger Zavalla, Victor, is
especially good at the task of making you feel that you are missing out on what
could become a legendary night if you don't have some absolutely delicious tequila
with him and then go dancing at five different clubs, all of whose doormen know
Victor personally and comp you completely. Victor's older brother Antonio, is
slightly cooler. He doesn't ask you to join him. He just looks at you as if
your brain was the size of a small chili if you don't want to join him. Antonio's
fabulous girlfriend Geraldine, (Victor is too busy being a Svengali to have
just one girlfriend) makes both the brothers seem like old ladies in a Tijuana
nursing home. We could light this movie on her energy alone (and of course
we might have to, since the power goes out here on a regular basis).
As the week
came to an end, Victor, Antonio and Geraldine invited me and Sarah (our cinematographer)
to Acapulco for the weekend (Jon was away at a wedding). I think they felt sorry
for me and my jet-setting, jet-lagging casting misfortune.
The reason that
this weekly update is so late is that we took them up on the invite...
Before we left,
we made an offer to a brilliant actress who I met on my Nafta travels. As we
headed off to the beach I had the funny realization that it had all come down
to this weekend. We needed a leading lady. And we needed her now. And she needed
to be brilliant. Not have brilliant teeth, but be amazing actress who can carry
this incredibly emotional story. I think that if this actress falls through,
the movie might as well. My entire professional life rests on this weekend.
I can't make the movie with anyone other than a great actress. I won't. It's
not who I am. Time is almost out. The fear is real. The alligators are flooding
my soul... We make an offer to this woman who I think fits the bill...
I wait...
On the three
hour drive to the beach, Antonio asked
us if we’re carrying drugs. I thought this was a pretty normal question. I said
no, and looked out the window at the beautiful scenery. He then asked if we
were carrying guns. This didn't seem as normal a question. Well, it seems there's
been a long brewing war in Acapulco between the local government and this rebel
group who's trying to overthrow them. Occasionally, Antonio told us, as I was
ready to poop in my pants, the rebels pull cars over and search them for guns
and drugs. While they do this, you lie on the ground with a machine gun pointed
at the back of your head. Now I don't know about you, but I always thought Acapulco
was somewhere you went if you won the Dating Game. Who the hell knew?
Anyway, we missed
the rebels and made it to Acapulco safely. While being a horrible tourist trap,
with a Hard Rock Cafe and a place called Disco Beach (Which Victor took me to
at two in the morning), Acapulco is also incredibly beautiful and after the
week that I had, it was nice to just
relax. Sarah and I even got a lot of work done which shocked Antonio and Victor
who could not believe that we wanted to leave the pool or the beach or the pina
coladas for one moment. The group who we were with were absolutely lovely. The
live in cook at the incredibly beautiful house where we were guests made the
most delicious food. The drinks were cold, the water warm. And as I watched
the truly spectacular sunset filled with pinks and blue out of my dreams, I
realized that, not only am I one of the luckiest people in the world, but that
in life it is sometimes worth facing your greatest fears.
Mexico City
used to be one of my greatest fears, and now I'm here, working on a movie that
I'm incredibly excited about, hanging out in Acapulco with passionate, interesting,
sleep-deprived, insane people as well...
Now if only
we get this actress...
Sunday turns
to Monday. Everything comes down to this. Right now...
After the dreamy
weekend, it was quite a shock to wake up Monday back in La Ciudad, waiting on
word from our actress and location scouting some of the scariest cantinas you
would ever not want to go into. These places are called Pulqurias (Pulque is
the fermented fruit that they get loaded on). These places have signs that say
in Spanish "No men in uniform and no women allowed."
Sarah and Alexandra, one of the Mexican producers, entered fearlessly.
No one seemed to give a shit. Maybe because they weren't wearing uniforms. The
places were intensely beautiful. Out of a time warp.
My favorite cantina was the one where the urinal was right next to the
bar, out in the open. No time wasted between shots of Pulque. Just piss and
drink. Piss and drink...
They should
open one of those in New York.
Well, that's
all for now.
I miss all---
-----Oh did I mention?
We heard from
our actress.
As of three
hours ago, Stacy Edwards (the deaf girl from "In the Company of Men")
is our lead.
WE CAST THE
MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more whining!
No more knots in my stomach (at least for day)! No thoughts of Sid and Marty
Kroft and H.R. Puffinstuff south of the border!!!!! No Adrien Brody in drag!
I could not
be more thrilled. Stacey gave such a great audition that it made my exhausting
globe-hopping Mexico-NY-LA casting trip seem, for one brief moment, magical...
I have a funny
feeling she will transport that magic to film, and make this movie everything
it can and should be...
We shall see.
We shoot in two and a half weeks...